When Squirrels Attack * part 1
by Mr. Squirrels
Summary: Operation Mutalation...the squirrels are coming...


Disclaimer  
I own nothing. I don't own anything. I don't even own a cardboard box. I sure as hell don't own the X-Men. I don't own Marvel or anything related to Marvel. If you sue me, you will receive the following though: two-pounds of salted peanuts; one-pound of almonds; 2 oz. of chocolate-covered coffee beans; an oak-tree sapling; half a bathtub; and my life-savings - $4.72.   
  
Warning  
The X-Men in this story were portrayed by howler monkeys. No squirrels were hurt in the production of this story. Thank you.  
  
Author's note  
[ ] - indicates translated from squirrelly language  
  
  
When Squirrels Attack Part 1  
  
  
"EEEEWWWW!" screamed Rouge; "It's a flyin rat. Get it away!"  
  
"It's a Northern flying Squirrel. Fascinating," Beast said watching it closely.  
  
"Die! Die fur ball!!" Rouge flew up and grabbed it in mid-flight. " Now I got you!"  
  
She but her hands around its head and ripped it clear off. She hated squirrels.  
  
In a near by tree many squirrels watched Rouge kill their comrade. Millions of squirrels sat there bewildered at watching another squirrel die at the hands of humans, especially the X-Men.  
  
A young squirrel stands up in the back and says "[Another of our fellow squirrels has been killed, what shall we do?]"  
  
Mr. Squirrels, their leader stands up and says, "[Now we will strike! Let Operation MUTALATION begin!]"   
  
All the squirrels stood up and cheered in approval. "Chip, Cheerie!" they cheered.  
  
Meanwhile Wolverine was sitting under a tree. It was finally quiet for once in his life. A squirrel came up to him quite oddly. It had big cute little eyes.  
  
"What a cute little squirrel," he said as his claws shot out. He reached to skewer the squirrel and it stood up on its hind legs.  
  
"[Die X-Man!]" It yelled and showed its teeth and lunged at his ankle and sank its teeth in to him while making chirping sounds.  
  
"HELP!!!! IT GOT MY LEG!!!! THE PAIN!!!!" He screamed and the squirrel let go of his leg. He started to foam at the mouth. Must find meat! And he ran off for his prey. The first person he saw was Scott. Mmmm. Tasty, look at em buns of steel. Grade A meat. He staggered over to Cyclops white foam oozing out of his mouth.  
  
"Hey Logan. Oh my God," he turned to run but he wasn't quick enough, Wolverine dove and made Scott fall to the ground. Then he took a large bit in to Scott's tush and started to chew on it. A few minutes later Wolverine came to his sense. "What the hell did you do that! It's not normal for a man to go bit another man's tush!"  
  
Oh my. That squirrel has rabies and I tried to eat Scott's butt. He ran to his room in the Mansion to get away from Scott. What if he told everyone? He skipped dinner and went to bed. In the middle of the night he was woken up by tortured screams of terror some one was attacking he started to run to the place of terror.  
  
"Non! Don' bite me!" Gambit yelled  
  
Why would Gambit be yelling about something biting him? He ran even quicker. When he got there nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Hundreds of flying squirrels were coming through the broken window. Gambit, he saw, was at their mercy. He was powerless to stop the flow of terror. They were latched onto his face and he could barely make him out. They weren't biting him they just covered him in a blanket of fur. The organized strike was too much for Wolverine to get involved in it. Even if he did he would suffer the same fate. So he just watched them attack Remy, plus it was great entertainment. Then the squirrels clutched on to his shirt and the mass of them leaped towards the window to fly away. There were enough of them to do the job and they lifted him off the ground into the cold night air. They lifted him higher and higher and still held onto his heavy weight. They just kept flying till they were out of sight. Then the Professor came in and said only two words.  
  
"Oh my," in a very childish tone with his eyes bulging.   
  
The next morning they had a meeting about what had happened.  
  
"The squirrels have taken Gambit," the prof. said everyone gasped.  
  
"I know em squirrels were up to no good," Wolverine said. " One of em bit me yesterday."  
  
"Then you bit me. I think Wolverine is a squirrel spy and he's going to help them take over the world!" Scott said frustrated.  
  
"I should have killed more squirrels. Maybe I should start hunting them and putting the heads on plaques." Rouge held up the dead, decapitated squirrel she had killed a couple weeks ago, that she kept in her pocket, for some reason.  
  
"Wolverine, Scott, and Storm go find Gambit now, then come back." Xavier said in his usual tone.  
  
Wolverine led them to a forest where his was still in. I was still dark in the forest even at noon. They walked for hours when they finally came to a clearing with Gambit in the middle. There were squirrels dancing around him like they were Indians. He was moaning in pain. There was a crowd of squirrels that where throwing big heavy walnuts at him. Sometimes a squirrel would come to him and bite his ankle or poke and pinch his cheek.   
  
"I'll go around and cut him loose and you get him outa here," suggested Wolverine.  
  
"Good luck!" Scott said keeping it at whisper.  
  
Wolverine crawled stealthily around and cut him loose it was easy to easy. Then hundreds of rapid squirrels infected with rabies attacked. There was no where to go the squirrels were everywhere.  
  
"ATTACK!!!!" Cyclops shouted. Gambit would be useless in the battle due to his injuries. Storm shot lightning bolts at them and Scott fired his optic blasts while Wolverine was slashing away. They had the advantage with their powers. The X-Men were met with wave upon wave of squirrels, but the squirrels were no match for them. The squirrels retreated back to their base.  
  
"Let's head back to the mansion," Cyclops commanded.  
  
"[This is an outrage! Go to the final stage of Operation Mutilation!]" Mr. Squirrels stood up and said to his fellow squirrels back at the base.  
  
When they got back to the mansion the saw rows of squirrels. There must be billions of them. Some were on foot some were on elephants. It was a squirrel rebellion.  
  
  
To be continued  
  
Vote, please, at mr_squirrels17@hotmail.com!!!   
  
(1) Squirrels take over the mansion and the X-Men become their slaves (and/or die)  
(2) The X-Men destroy the squirrels and move to the Swiss Alps  
(3) They decide to live together in harmony and have a big (vegetarian) barbeque  
(4) A banana bomb goes off randomly and destroys everyone  
(5) Xavier grows hair and Wolverine goes bald  
  
  



End file.
